Wednesday, March 29, 2017

complaining

Dear Nahum,


Sometimes I hear people complain about their babies. They fuss because their babies are fussy. They grumble that their babies aren't sleeping through the night. They're cranky because their babies are cranky or because their babies are waking up too early due to Daylight Saving Time.

I never liked hearing people complain about their babies, but you have taught me to like it even less. I wish I could just say to those people: at least you have a baby. At least your baby has a brain. Please look at your baby's round little head — which is perhaps screaming right now — and rejoice. Please be thankful that your baby is alive — even though at two-thirty in the morning he or she may seem all too alive. Please stop your grumbling and be thankful.

It's not that I feel sorry for us or think that we have a right to complain, either. I feel sorry for them, that they don't remember that their babies are miraculous gifts from God. I don't need to complain because I know God has a job for you just like He has a job for their babies. Maybe this is one of the jobs God has made especially for you: to teach us to wonder at God's handiwork every time we see a healthy baby. To put our lives in proper perspective. To remind us to be thankful instead of complaining.

We would not be learning these lessons so well without you as our teacher. You do your job so well, and I'm your thankful

Mom

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

amerika

Dear Nahum, 


Soon I will leave on a trip to Amerika. You've never been to Amerika yet, but you're kind of from there, because that's where I'm from. While I'm there, I plan to see your grandpa and grandma for a few days. Then I plan to attend a conference about my work for a few days. I wish you and Mom could come along, but maybe I can send you pictures of the things I see and do while I'm sixteen airplane hours away.

I'm writing you this note to remind you that you're the man of the house while I'm gone. I need you to watch out for Mom and make sure she's OK. This is the longest Mom and I been apart since we got married. Please behave while I'm gone!

I already look forward to seeing you both when I get back. Save some kicks for me! I wonder if I'll be able to see that you've grown in just a week and a half?

Missing you already,

Dad


PS - I'll be flying on a Boeing 767-400 and 737-900. Mom doesn't care about these details but I'm sure you do, Nahum.

Friday, March 17, 2017

was Gott tut, das ist wohlgetan

Dear Nahum,


Some time ago I heard a poignent vignette about Dietrich Bonhoeffer's mother and older brother. Dietrich's brother went off to fight for the German army and not long after he left home, the news came that he had been killed. I believe he was only nineteen. His mother was — as any loving mother would be — heartbroken. But the song she chose for his funeral showed that even in her devastation, she knew God was still good and trustworthy. Here is the first stanza of the song, written by Samuel Rodigast:

Was Gott tut, das ist wohlgetan! 
Es bleibt gerecht sein Wille; 
Wie er fängt meine Sachen an, 
Will ich ihm halten stille. 
Er ist mein Gott, der in der Not 
Mich wohl weiß zu erhalten, 
Drum laß' ich ihn nur walten.

Here is the translation, by Francis Browne:

What God does that is done well! 
His will remains just 
However he deals with my affairs. 
I want calmly to place my whole trust in him 
He is my God, who in my troubles 
knows well how to support me, 
therefore I let him alone rule over me.

If you will indulge me, here's just one more stanza:

Was Gott tut, das ist wohlgetan! 
Er ist mein Licht und Leben, 
Der mir nichts Böses gönnen kann; 
Ich will mich ihm ergeben In Freud' und Leid; 
es kommt die Zeit, Da öffentlich erscheinet, 
Wie treulich er es meinet.

What God does, that is done well! 
he is my light, my life 
who can have no ill will towards me. 
I want to entrust myself to him in joy and sorrow.
The time will come when it will be clearly apparent 
how faithful his intention is.

(The rest of the song is also beautiful.)

When I heard this story, I was impressed by this German mother's faith in God in the face of suffering. I copied down the beautiful first stanza of the song. But I never expected I'd be thinking about the funeral of my son a year or two later. My list of ideas for songs for your funeral lies under my arm as I type this. "Her" song is on the list, and her example strengthens me.

There is so much peace in knowing a good God is watching over us. We trust Him — we entrust ourselves to Him and know He has no ill will toward us. I'm sure you feel His peace too, inside my womb. The same God who supported Dietrich's mother through sorrow supports us, too.

Because God is good,

Mom

Friday, March 10, 2017

music

Dear Nahum,


Before we forget, we want to tell you about two special moments in your life involving music, specifically Christian music. In Canada or the USA, it is not so unusual to hear Christian music in a store. But we don't just "randomly" hear Christian music in stores in Germany. Probably there are just fewer Christians and therefore fewer Christian musicians or Christian music buyers.

However, on a grey day back in December, Mom heard Christian music in a German cafe for the first time. It was just a few days after your diagnosis, when we were still a jumble of shock and sadness, and Mom and a new friend went to an appointment with a social worker. Because of a mix-up with the appointment, we had to wait about an hour. We walked across the street to a cafe and drank tea and hot chocolate and waited for our appointment. Shortly after arriving there, Mom realized all the songs that were being played in the cafe were Christian songs in English. One of the songs was All in All, which starts with the words: "You are my strength when I am weak..." To Mom it seemed like God was saying: I see you down there. I know what's going on. 

Then, at our first appointment at our new doctor, Mom and Dad were sitting in the waiting room for what felt like a long time, and feeling a little anxious again about your health and about switching gynos mid-pregnancy. Just then, a Christian song started playing through the speaker in the waiting room. Again, it just felt like God's way of saying: I see you down there. I am with you.

Our pregnancy with you has involved a lot of waiting, but God has surprised us twice now by having Christian music playing in places where we had to wait. When He turns on Christian music for us, it reminds us that He sees us:

Waiting for social workers.
   Anxiously gulping hot chocolate.

Waiting to see doctors.
   Cautiously signing German medical forms.
   (Hoping we understood what we're signing.)

Waiting for you.
   Truly enjoying you every day,

Mom and Dad

Thursday, March 2, 2017

to-do lists

Dear Nahum,


Lately when people check on us, we tell them that we're doing OK.  Dad's going to the office as normal and his evenings seem to fill up, too. Mom's not feeling too weepy and has some nice projects to make the days go by. Today, when we look up from our long to-do lists and realize that we're almost at the 2/3 mark of our pregnancy, we can hardly believe it.

But there's one to-do list we're avoiding when possible, and it's the "Nahum to-do list". When we don't think about that list too much we're OK. That list looks something like:

  • visit gyno for glucose screening test
  • meet midwife at hospital to talk about delivery preferences
  • compile a list of numbers to be called in case of emergency 
  • plan clothes and memorabilia for Nahum
  • get more info from cemeteries / funeral homes.

The first four tasks on the list, while not all fun and games, sound like fairly normal tasks for new parents. But the last one on the list reminds us again that this pregnancy is really different than what we expected. 

Matthew 6 gives us a succinct to-do list for this last 1/3 of our pregnancy with you:
  • Do not worry about tomorrow. (You're much better at this than we are.)
  • Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness.

We're doing OK, and we'll always be OK, when we don't worry about tomorrow, and when we keep God's kingdom (not Nahum's kingdom or our little family's kingdom) first on our to-do list. Somehow even the Nahum to-do list will be achievable when we start with the Matthew to-do list.

As for your to-do list, it probably looks something like:
  • eat
  • kick
  • wiggle
  • grow.

Have fun in there,

Mom and Dad